It all starts with self awareness

Keturah Charlesworth Author

From the CGR podcast, learn why self awareness really is the backbone of positive self growth and the 4 core skills you need to master it.

Without knowing who you truly are, how on earth are you supposed to create a fulfilling, meaningful and happy life?

In this episode, I dive into why self awareness really is the backbone of self growth, why knowing what you look like naked isn't going to cut it when it comes to true self awareness, what the 4 essential skills are you need to master it, and some steps to get you started.

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Episode transcription:

Who are you really? What's most important to you? What do you want out of this amazing life? What are your passions? Where do you feel your safest, your most creative or inspired? Where do you feel the happiest or most content? What's your default setting? When life sucks? What are the things you do every day that are holding you back? What inspires you? And how do you get more of that?

Without knowing who you are, how on earth are you supposed to create a fulfilling, meaningful and generally happy life.

In this episode, I'm kicking off with my weapon of choice, self awareness. I'm going to take you through why it's really the backbone of creating your big, awesome life and share with you the core principles you need to master to make self awareness your new favourite too.

I was speaking with a friend of mine recently, and she was telling me this story of one evening, her being at home on her own, watching one of her favourite television shows and she drifted off on the couch, she fell asleep. And when she woke up, had rolled over, she looked up at the television and to her shock and horror there, she was faced with a number of naked people standing on the screen. And as she continued to watch, she realized that it was a dating show.

Not dissimilar, if you're old enough to remember, to a perfect match. There's an individual who comes on the show who is trying to find someone to date or to pursue a relationship with ,and there are a number of contestants and the contestants who are hidden from view, whilst the person asks them questions about themselves to determine who they want to date. So as the show goes on, and the questions are asked, the contestants are slowly eliminated until they're left with the one person that they are going to take on a date.

But in this iteration of a dating show, all of the contestants are completely naked. And as these questions are asked, the there's a screen that slowly raises up exposing these awkward, completely naked people as they're asked questions about their life.

And it got me thinking about what a strange way it is to choose a life partner. I understand that the shows are really aimed more at a bit of tongue in cheek and a little bit of you know, light-heartedness, we're looking for dates, we're not necessarily looking for our life partner, but still an interesting concept, getting to know somebody by asking them a few questions, and knowing what they look like naked.

You know, how do you know what they like and dislike or what they excel add in what they love to do? What's really cringey for them, what lights them up inside? How do you know how to encourage them when they're feeling stuck or unmotivated? How do you help them when they're feeling down or celebrate with them when they're just smashing at lives?

I know that that comes over time. But it's worth considering when you're thinking about the relationship that you have with yourself. Your self awareness and the relationship that you have with you is I would argue the most important relationship that you will have with anybody ever.

So if all you know about yourself, is what your favourite colour is, what you enjoy doing on the weekend, and what you look like naked, then you'll be seeing a whole bunch of really key information. That means that you can have a really awesome fulfilling relationship with yourself and create this life that is just unbelievable.

That includes all of the things that you're really passionate about, that supports you to be your best that helps you to learn from the challenging times and to grow and have awesome connections with other people, and to ultimately end up with this life that you look back on and go, hell yes, let's do that, again.

When you get to know yourself, beyond this surface level, understanding, you can support yourself so much better. You can understand what motivates you what triggers you, what holds you back, and it how to support yourself. That's my goal here is to teach you not only to uncover who you are, but to learn the skills that you need to create positive change to motivate yourself to positive change, do you understand why you're resistant to different things, this real, ongoing, deep relationship with yourself.

And like all relationships, it's not always going to be rosy, right? It's not about making everything perfect or ignoring the hard stuff. It's not about having a life that doesn't have bumps in the road and experiences that throw you off course be them good or bad, that it just unexpected, and not what you had planned on your you know, on your map.

But it's knowing your strengths, understanding your limits, and knowing how to stretch them how to test them, it is knowing where you want to grow, and how to go about it. And using all of these all of this knowledge to your advantage.

The process of self awareness isn't always pretty, it can be a bit dirty, it can be a little bit ugly sometimes. And it can be confronting, but my goodness, is it worth it. It is the one thing that will make the biggest difference to your life.

And it's not a once off, it's not a set and forget, it's not something you do one day. And that's the end of it. It is a lifetime practice. It evolves as you do, as you have different experiences as you change and pivot and meet new people and learn new things. And you understand more about your strengths and your challenges and grow as an individual. But self awareness is at the centre of that it it holds strong when all of the other things around you and in your life are changing. It's the eye of the storm, the calm in the centre.

Now, I believe that there are four key areas or four key focus areas for positive self-awareness. And they're kind of a little bit like a babushka doll, you know, one of those little dolls that each one kind of nests inside the next one.

The one at the very centre is curious reflection. Now, if you have followed me for a while, you will know that curious reflection is kind of like one of my catchphrases. But you have to be willing to look and say who you truly are. In order for self-awareness to be possible.

You have to be curious, You have to want to be a detective, about your emotions and your actions and your reactions. Your resistance to things and what motivates you what worked last time, what didn't work and how you can make changes or tweaks or understand your limits so that you can find the support that you need to help you in particular areas. The curious part is really key. It's like Alice in Wonderland, going down the rabbit hole. It is really about wondering and being open to what you might find not having a predetermined idea as to what the outcome might be.

And the reflection really is a questioning of pondering and wondering how you've ended up in circumstances or, you know, supporting you to make decisions or changes.

The next layer that kind of wraps around curious reflection is vulnerability and honesty. Now, this is the next step. Once you've done your curious reflection, you need to be vulnerable enough to be able to see what you uncover. It's not always comfy, it can be a bit confronting, and there needs to be a bit of vulnerability in uncovering the truth and being open to uncovering the truth and that that might be a little bit uncomfy.

Sometimes it might not always feel great and what you find might be challenging and require more curious reflection or more consideration to kind of unpack where the core of things are, what the cause of, you know, your circumstances, or your thought patterns, or your emotions or your habits or your actions are, once you've got this centre of curious reflection, and it's all wrapped up in this vulnerability that allows you to see the truth.

The next layer of our little self awareness babushka doll is compassion. When you're looking at positive self reflection, and positive self awareness that comes from that. Compassion is really key. Like I said, when you're looking at things through a vulnerable lens that allows you to see the truth, there needs to be some loving support that goes with it, and understanding a caring, supportive and loving approach to what is uncovered when you are reflecting. And when you're working on yourself. Caring for yourself, is really where you grow from. It allows you to be exactly as you are, without judgment, and with understanding.

And the last layer that wraps around all of these is acceptance. Self acceptance is an ongoing practice, it is something that is not always easy to do, especially if we're looking at things that might be a bit more challenging to accept. But it is incredibly freeing.

Self acceptance is not about settling for things the way they are. But it is about accepting things the way they are, if you consider that the opposite of acceptance is denial. By accepting something, you are acknowledging that it exists in its current state, and from there, you can accept that you can't change it and that this is the way things are and you can work on that self acceptance.

Or you can accept that you want to change it, you can accept that, from this place of acknowledging things as they are now that you can grow from that. If you are in denial, then it is not a trigger for growth. Denial is not the seed from which you grow, it can't be because you've kind of got your head buried in the sand.

So accepting the truth, accepting reality and accepting that you want to grow self acceptance, if you want to think of it in another way. Or if you struggle with it, consider it like unconditional love. When we love somebody else unconditionally, we accept that there are things about them that are challenging for us maybe or that don't seem quite right. If I think of an example, I consider my kids who I love with all of my heart, and they leave wet towels on the floor regularly. Now, this is a bit of a silly example. But you can see that whilst I accept that that's the way that they are. It's a habit that they have. And we have conversations about it and they know how I feel about it. But I love them regardless. And this is where both compassion and acceptance come together. And then there is an understanding, and it is met with love but you accept that that is the way that things are at the moment.

So there's a quick intro into the four essentials for positive self awareness, curious reflection, vulnerability and honesty, compassion, and acceptance.

So what can you do today to start working on those four pillars?

My first one would be curious reflection, depending on what it is that you are looking at right now. Whether it be a new goal, or a big change or just something that you're wanting to reflect on about yourself, whether it is how you communicate or how you connect with other people and asking yourself three questions about that situation.

First off, what is it that has gotten me here? What things have happened? What experiences have you had? What knowledge have you acquired? Or what things do you believe that have led you to the position that you're in? Right now?

The next question I'd be asking is, what is it that you need to either start doing or stop doing so gain or let go of in order to get you to where you want to go? Consider in that any resistance that you have to making those changes to either implementing something new, or letting go of something that might not be serving you right now?

And then the last question that I'd be asking is, what are the strengths supports systems I already have in place that I can use to support me towards this change or to wards a better understanding of myself in this particular area. So it could be knowledge that I have, it could be personal strengths, like my resilience, or my sense of humour, or my ability to connect really well with other people. It could be knowledge that I have, or legitimate skills, it could be study that I've done, it could be resources or other supports, I have, you know, I've got a supportive family or I have someone to talk to about it. Whatever those positive strengths that you have, or that you have access to consider all of those sorts of things.

Remember, if you're going to take yourself through this process, to be open to be vulnerable about that what that truth is to be gentle and compassionate with yourself, and to work on accepting whatever it is that comes up for you.

As you work through and as you learn more about yourself. This will become a more natural process.

If you've got any questions however, do not hesitate to send me through an email at hello@coachgonerogue.com and I'd be more than happy to help you.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Coach Gone Rogue podcast. I hope it's given you some insight into why self growth really does start with positive self awareness, and has given you some ideas to take away that you can now implement to get you started.

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